March 24, 2004
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A rush. That feeling you get when you face fear or danger with confidence. I haven't felt it in so long. Last night our adventure reminded me of the days when it was something normal for me. I love the feeling. Would I sound crazy to tell you I loved being chased by police when there was a real chance of jail time on the other end of it? It was exiting. Have you ever stood on the yellow area when the subway comes, looking right at it as it brushes your shirt flying by at ridicules speeds? I have, it's a rush. Flying over the top of a mound, when you can't see what's next, on a double back diamond hill with but a snowboard to help you. You come over that arch to see something quite near and incline, and you push on, flying down this hill at speed enough to break your body should you fall. Switching, edge to edge, one piece of ice could screw it up, one missed edge and you're going head first. It's a rush.
I don't get it anymore. It was something I loved. I've never really been afraid of death, I'm even less today. But there seems nothing left, nothing exhilarating, nothing dangerous. Well, there is one other way I've felt it. It's not quite the same though. Have you ever seen God's glory clearly? I mean, just for a second. You see a sunrise, or think of something he's doing, recognise something, and just for a second, your taken aback by him. I love that too. Though, it's no common occurrence these days. In fact, it's a rarity, though not altogether outside of my experience.
Somehow it seems like a sorry replacement though. I know, I just called something of God a sorry replacement for something like being chased by the police, but that's how it seems. That rush of God is there, but it's not something we must have. It's surplus. And so it does not have to be necessarily better. It's experiential, and God must be better in an absolute truth sort of sense.
Anyway, I suppose I'm not really saying much here. Just thoughts going through my head, I thought I'd let them out. Time to get ready for chapel...
Comments (3)
chapel? its wednesday???
special speaker
Don't feel bad for not getting a rush when dealing with things of God. Seems to me that the rush comes from adrenaline, from fear. Adrenaline is a "survival" tactic, and I wouldn't usually associate that with anything to do with God.
Running from the police or jumping dangerous ramps on a snowboard are incomparable to a sunrise. Each event has its own beauty and its own emotions attached to it. I don't neccessarily think that we need a "rush" from experiencing God, unless it's one of those "Child, you are sinning, I am getting the lightning bolts ready" occurances.
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