April 2, 2004
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I went to a show tonight: saves the day. It was good, I liked it. It’s the first real show I’ve ever been to I think. I suppose that’s why I went, I hadn’t even heard of saves the day before I was being asked if I wanted to come to their show.
I’m realising more and more that I’m actually quite a violent person. Believe it or not, tonight I was wishing someone would give me an excuse to fight them. And though there was some pushing and whatnot in the crowd… it seemed a sorry consolation. It mainly just fed my appetite for conflict.
I wasn’t always like this. Back in the day I would only fight were it absolutely necessary. There is no chance I would let my fist fly over honour, the concept seemed foolish to me. Back then I would only fight if I was facing a loss of significant monetary value: mostly drugs. I think fighting for honour is just an excuse sometimes though. A justification of sorts for doing something that is just satisfying by itself, but needs a justification.
I mentioned yesterday (On Missina’s Xanga) that I would fight if someone called Missina a bitch. I think that would fit into the category of fighting for honour, though it wouldn’t be mine I was fighting for. I think I just might do it though. The real question is: would I be properly justified? Is something like this enough? Am I just searching for a reason to fight? I don’t know… I guess will say it’s worthy, for argument’s sake, mainly because it stands as a real motivation, and I’m not really sure how to judge justification.
So, I think the cause is good, but if I were to be rational about this, is fighting actually best? Haha, I’m sure they would learn their lesson. Never do it again. There would be drawbacks though. Chances are, I would make an enemy. hmm, well, I would dislike this guy a whole lot anyway simply for what he said, so scratch that one. This person might press some sort of charges I guess. I suppose I see this as unlikely, because it would kill any honour they have. But even if they did, is that a good reason for me not to do it? I can think quite easily of a time when my passion was high enough for me to fight, and I didn’t care then. It seems that this should be a matter of principle. Fearing minor consequence like this seems to be, well, pussing out.
Well, I’ve just written a ton of excuses for my doubts. Someone tell me I’m wrong, please.
Comments (4)
awww i got mentioned not only in a xanga entry, but with a LINK.
*dances around gleefully*
ok.. now that the self-indulgence has worn off.. haha
i think you know my opinion on this.. i agree with what you said about using honour as an excuse for fighting.. it happens quite often.. even with countries as the underlying message of their propoganda continues to pump out honour as the justification for their actions.. but even in our individual lives.. i don’t think fighting will solve anything. you’re taking a problem and reacting to it in a negative way. it stands the same with when you have a problem and you drink.. or you cut.. or you punch a wall.. either way, it provides a means of letting out frustration and usually results in making things worse (maybe not the situation, but other things as well).
fighting though is a gut human reaction though.. we all fight for things, but in different ways. physical violence doesn’t seem equated with loving your neighbour though or at the very least, even loving God. Don’t worry.. i am speaking to myself just as much as replying to your entry.. don’t even take what i am saying as personal.. but it’s just some random thoughts..
(also remember i havent slept in a long while.. gnite now though lol)
wow, i use the word “though” far too much….. o.0
hmmm…i don’t know, i can’t really speak on this too well…because i was definitely the kid that would cower when being hit, as a defence mechanism, because their isn’t any fun, or honour, in beating the crap outta someone who isn’t fighting back. but to say that we don’t look to violence when we are angry would be a big fat lie, some people beat the crap out of others with fists, others with words (and let me tell you, that does hurt…a lot), some beat themselves up, some punch walls. but before i go off in a tangent…i think my point is that fighting shouldn’t be a solution…its understandable if you fight for defense, but i guess you can say you are defending missina (for example) by beating up the guy who called her a bitch. but what missina wrote about loving our neighbours, i’m pretty sure love isn’t shown in bruises or blood, at least not healthy love. but its a struggle, to find that line between asssertivness and agressivness…so i don’t know if i have actually made a point, or just wrote a really long comment, but thats what i have to say
I have a tendendancy to agree with you aron. I ahve always been some one who would fight over honour, but you know that. I don’t think i is necesarily the christian thing to do, we are called to love our neighbour and those who do us wrong, but i have always felt the deepest hurts when some one hurts some one i love. I think you know it’s wrong as well as i do, so hold on to that, it will keep you from stupid fights, fights that are simply about the passion of the moment. You have good judgement and know what to do in most situations, use that and trust God. If a situation ever does come around where you do need to kick some ones ass for the sake of honour, call me, i’ll be there for you to back you up
Love you bro