September 5, 2005

  • The more you have, the more you have to lose. The reality of this is
    killing me, because daily I gain, and daily my sence of doom grows. And
    yet, can I really stop gaining for fear of the loss? I would be a
    coward to do so. But fighting against the loss is getting harder and
    harder. I win one victory, and something else weights down harder to
    take it's place. And her face, her touch, her voice, she is the only
    thing that can lift the weight on my chest. But for each moment I feel
    safe, each moment I can make her feel safe, we raise the gain, and
    raise the loss: and the saddness in her eyes always comes back. That is
    why last night was the first time I've been away from her for more then
    a few miniuts since friday, and when I find her in a couple of hours,
    we'll hold each other for comfort. We need each other, and yet, we're
    hurting ourselves.

    Pray for me, because I'm not going down without a fight.