November 11, 2004
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Should I drop out of Tyndale?
I thought I had it all figured out. I though leaving this place was the best thing to do. I mean, I'm going to get further and further in dept if I stay, with no career opportunity at the end of the tunnel. OSAP cut my funding for this year, so I can't really afford to be here even now, never mind years to come. My Dad makes to much money to get a decent amount from the government without lying on my application, but my Dad has his own dept to worry about. If I took a semester off, I could pay the excess off my OSAP and get a fresh load: going to cheaper school for less time. At a collage taking web development I would have a career almost guaranteed in something that I certainly do enjoy, or at least I did when I was in high school.
Why do I question this all, you ask? Philosophy is my passion. I love it. Even the thought of not having fresh ideas to mill over in my spare time saddens me. Not only this, but God told me to come here when I did, and I felt like he wanted me to stay on taking philosophy after that. I now feel nothing. I can't help but think maybe God would have me stay. The practical aside, my call to this place hasn¡¦t been annulled. I only wish I knew what my goal was, or even how I am supposed to afford it.
But then, maybe I'm cracked. I got thinking about this in preparation for a lecture from my father I'm going to receive this weekend when I go home. He was really proud of my when I decided to come here, especially following a call from God. Part of me thinks he's trying the vicarious living thing on for size. I really don't want him to be disappointed in me, I really don't. Not that I would base this decision on that fact, only I wonder if it's influencing me without my knowing. I know he thinks God wants me to stay here.
How do I decide what God wants from me? It was so easy when I was younger. I could just pray for a while, and then say: well, that's it, God wants this. I just can't do that anymore. Call it lack of faith, call it being rational, call it whatever you want: I just can't do that anymore. I can't put faith in the voice in my mind. But it seems I never took the time to figure out an alternate means of getting specific things from God.
I know that God is still God, and will use me wherever I go. It's not like I can screw up a plan of God's by whatever foolish thing I do. I would just rather do what he has called me to, if I still have a calling. I just don't know anymore.
My mind is all over the place, I'm sure this post it hardly coherent in its form, but I guess that¡¦s how it goes.
Comments (15)
Psalm 37:4-5
Delight yourself in the Lord and He wil give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will do it.
i'll give you the same advice i said before, that transferring is probably a good idea.. having a "practical" degree or diploma.. maybe that is lack of faith on my part, but i mean, tyndale wasn't going to take me where i wanted to go.. and so i decided to leave. you can always take or audit philosophy courses of your choice and discretion, without being sucked into having to take this class and that class.. i will be praying for you aron.
Alright. Let's take a rational look at your situation shall we? You want to study Philosophy. You don't know what you will do with it afterwards. You don't have a lot of money for school. Well, this all makes perfect sence to me. Since you love what your doing, that would be one check on the stay at tyndale side. Since you don't have a definate goal you're impatiently driving at, that means you're in no hurry to finish your degree. Since you don't have the cash, you could work and study part time (this last point goes with the whole 'not in any rush' idea). If you love having these ideas to ponder always, and it's not about just getting some degree and going on, then take a few courses at a time and really enjoy each one. And then when you're a doctor at some university you won't have to pay for schooling for your kids and they won't have to worry about this. See, look at all the birds you've killed with this little stone. I really don't see the problem here, you're situation seems to make perfect sence for where you're at right now. Who told you that you had a problem?
In answer to your initial questionn - no.
NO.
I will tell you to your face.
... jenna presents a very good point.
my vote is you should stay. I mean, I've been dying here at work so i could live with you guys (...umm and go to europe) but still! tim says... you've got to stick the year out
More seriously though. If you've felt 'God's calling' to stay at tyndale at one point or another, I'd say you stick with it until he calls you somewhere else, even if you don't feel the call.
And have confidence in the fact that God did call you to be there, and being so as far as money and future are concerned. Honestly it's the everyweek testimony at church... "i felt God calling me to do this, and i had no idea why, and i didn't know how, but i did it and God provided everything".
and maybe you could even parellel this to our 'walk with God' sometimes we're closer than other times, sometime we feel he's there and sometimes we don't. so it could be with his calling you to tyndale.
so my call is stay.
i don't want to gainsay all the tyndalians (*cringe*) and make things more confusing...but keep in mind that "God's calling" is not always a 75-year all-inclusive deal. He may call us somewhere for a certain time, to work a specific purpose, and then move us somewhere else even though the timing to us seems irrational (what? God's timing not make sense? No!).
Aron, I don't know you nearly well enough to put my two cents into your poll...but I empathize quite closely with your situation and will just say if you are seriously, earnestly feeling that it may be time to re-evaluate, and are certain it is not just a "phase" but is really deep-rooted...chase after God for it. And be open to whatever He has to tell you.
As a plug for staying, though...God cares very little for what we might consider "practical". If He wants you at Tyndale, and has given you this passion for philosophy...He will make it a plenty practical course for you.
A wise friend once told me... no seriously. Before God made it incredibly clear to me that Tyndale was where I was supposed to be, I felt like I had no direction at ALL as far as post-secondary stuff. So I talked to my associate pastor at the time (who is oh-so-wise, oh-so-honest, and oh-so-easy-to-talk-to) and his words to me were something along the lines of...
*Similar to what you said in that, you can do NOTHING that God can't fix, and any wrong decision you make is never so big that God can't still use it and somehow bring you back to where you need to be (though it is still better, as you noted, to be where he wants the first time).
*Sometimes, God gives clear direction to us. Sometimes, He wants you in a specific place, at a specific time. When this happens - you need to obey.
BUT
Are you ready for it? Here it comes:
*Sometimes... sometimes God does NOT give you clear direction. *dramatic pause* God gave you a brain. (At least, I'm pretty sure he did, aside from the whole not doing any work in English Lit so that you now have to go through that retarded class a second time, I thought you appeared to be a fairly intelligent guy.) Maybe... Maybe He knows that where he wants you to be 10 years from now, is a place that is unaffected by the decision you make now... like you could go right or left or up or down or straight ahead - and every direction is OK as far as He is concerned so He's decided to leave that one up to you to use your head and your heart and whatever else He's blessed you with to make up your own mind. He can do that.
I had a hard time accepting that one... "WHAT!? I have to make my OWN decision? But... But I want him to just TELL ME WHAT TO DO! That way I can't go wrong! I can't second guess GOD! Ack! I don't want to choose..."
BUT.
Once I went ahead and made my decision... God switched it around a bunch (went from four years in Business Admin, to one year in Business admin, to one year in whatever the heck I felt like taking - aka Transitions) and then he confirmed like CRAZY and made it clear that my decision had been the right one.
Not sure how He'll deal with you. But I thought I'd share anyway
PS I think you should make that decision on your own, with God... instead of listening to the voices of a thousand people (ok so maybe only like 10) who will all have a million (or maybe 1-5) different opinions since really... Only you can know your mind, your heart, and what God is saying to you (if He's saying anything at all).
hey man...i'd say...drop out. all the cool kids are doing it...i mean...um...no seriously, i left Tyndale cuz i had no clear reason for being in Youth Ministry. i'm now at Kawartha Lakes Bible College. and know what i've realized? i'm not sposed to do vocational ministry. so i'm gonna go get some different training, see how tht works out. basically what i'm saying is, do what you need to. You gotta do what's right b/n yourself and God.
I had this debate myself last year... of course, I hated the program I was in so it was a little bit different. I can't tell you to stay or change schools, that's completely your call. But my suggestion is to pray long and hard about the decision.
Oh, and if God wants you to stay at Tyndale, he'll present you with the funds one way or another to help you out. I've seen it happen before, so don't let that discourage you.
i think you may have to choose without getting a specific "confirmation" from God... one way or the other.
Often God confirms after I've made a choice based on advice, thinking about it, looking at my options, and prayer (even prayerthat doesn't seem to direct me one way or the other).. that I've done the right thing.
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