April 22, 2006

  • Perhaps I should explain a little more about my goal to be a missionary, and how I came by it. First, let me talk about why I decided to go to Japan in the first place.


    You see, all my life I've been doing something. I don't mean to say that I've had a goal, but I've had something to do which I saw as eventually leading the my goal, which was always unknown. I guess I just assumed that God would figure something out for me eventually. When I was in high school, I had that. No goal, buy a means to get there. Tyndale was the same. I didn't know why I was there, but I knew that God wanted me there, and that was enough. After first year, I lost this direction to some extent. I stayed on to study philosophy out of personal interest, though we all know how that went. But still, I was doing something. When I was off school, it was okay because I was going back.


    And then there was Kat. Partly through her influence I came to feel like "doing something" wasn't enough if I didn't have an end in mind; a job or something. Certainly philosophy wasn't leading there. So I dropped out, again. Well, for a while, I didn't need anything to do. I was fucked up from her enough that crying on my own shoulder was occupation enough. It seems stupid now. Anyway, I eventually made it past Miss Spence. However, the question: "what now?" was becoming more and more nagging.


    I had been telling people that I was going to study computer science. And I was, sort of. The idea of it just seemed so mundane. I was going to do it, not because I felt that I should, but because I felt that I could. It was an option for me, and I guess it made sense. I knew about computers, and enjoyed working with them, it would make a good, well paying occupation. It should have made perfect sense. I just didn't feel it. It's difficult to explain.


    Well, Japan, when I first thought of it, was almost an excuse to push that away. Japan exited me. A new language, a new culture, and one I already loved. It was enchanting. The opposite of that mundane feeling I was trying to describe. "And I can always study IT when I get back," I told myself.


    So I began learning Japanese, and felt much better about myself. I was goalless and I had direction again. However, there was one thing missing. I'm not really sure how most people relate with God, I honestly don't know. But despite how it might seem on the surface, if God even looks in my direction, I crumble. At that point I must always decide: do what he wants, or don't. If I don't, He will look away, and let me do what I want, and I will regret it later. If I do what he wants, it will be difficult and fulfilling. This is a pattern in my life. I've gone both ways on multiple occasions, but when he puts that choice in front of me, there is no excuse. It's clear as day.


    God was pointing me to missions. It was in prayer first, on Palm Sunday, and then again on Easter. Actually, regarding Easter: I almost didn't make church. You see, I had to work three 12 hour shift in a row, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. By Saturday night, I was sleep deprived, and a little irritable. I had my family's Easter dinner Sunday, so I couldn't make it to Freedomise. If I wanted to go to church, I would have to make it to a morning service in Brampton. Well, for those who may not know, I don't get home from work until 1AM, and it's nearly impossible to get to sleep until 2 or 3, if I'm lucky. So I was just gonna screw church and sleep in. You know that pattern I mentioned before? God said to me: "go to church." Don't get me wrong, I miss church from time to time for no good reason, and it's not like each of those times are rebellions against God. No, this time was unique in it's being commanded.


    So I went. It was this day when God really confirmed it for me. Missions to Japan. Well, I remembered when I was listening to a podcast for teaching Japanese to Anime Otaku (basically anime nerds), there was brief mention of a podcast about missionaries in Japan. So I looked it up. It was for an organisation called Asian Access (though it seems they just go to Japan). I really like what they do. They plant churches in Japan. However, it's not just missionary's planting churches. It's Japanese pastors who plant the church, the missionary works with him, and his team of Japanese people. What I was interested in was the Church Planting Associates position. It's 1-3 years. I would be working with a regular missionary and a Japanese pastor for the first 3 years of a church plant ("the hard part"). They use things like free English lessons, bible classes, and even the Alpha course (which I actually have some experience with), so get people's interest.


    So, there you have it. Why I'm becoming a missionary.

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