May 25, 2004

• Last night, about 1 AM:

  
  

  Sitting at home for the last few week has given me a lot of time to think.  About what?  I’m not sure… all sorts of thing I guess. One thing though, I give my mind to much credit.  I always compare myself with myself of the past. I look at who I was and say, look at me now, so intelligent by comparison.  But it seems this only works on a relative scale.  *Today’s advice: never trust a relative scale.* I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go.  I think sometimes I get carried away.

  
  

  I read this book called The Dream Giver. It’s by the same author of the oh-so-trendy Prayer of Jabez.  Honestly, the plug for Jabez in the first chapter almost saw me putting the book down. I‘ve never actually read the book The Prayer of Jabez, my ish is with pop-Christianity, and it‘s whole hearted acceptance of it.  Anyway, I read this book because my father wanted me to, and I respect my father, but I opened this book with nothing but cynicism.  I was planning on giving his book a really hard time.

  
  

  So, now I’ve read the book. And, no, it’s not perfect, I think the main point of the book is flat wrong, but I have opened my mind a little, I think. Haha, and it wasn’t the content of the book that did it either, I blame God, personally. You see, I couldn’t help but apply some of what this book said. Well, not apply in a practical sense, but think about my situation, and things I have gone through in the past in the light of what this book was saying. It fit, it was good, the book seemed to be correct. Not only that, but it was rather practical (as far as actual advice goes), and some of it would stand to help me in the future if I would let it.

  
  

  God was using this to teach me something.  I guess, to put it frankly, pop-Christianity is not always wrong, in fact, it can sometimes even be good for you.  Wow, I can’t believe I said that. Over the past year I have grown to detest it.  I found I was even beginning to detesting Christianity in general, while still being a Christian. I guess I told myself that I only disliked the things that were incorrect, that many Christian things were true. (this is where the overestimation of my intellect comes in) I decided that I could single-handedly discount everything that most Christians considered correct, and for no other reason then that most Christians considered it correct.

  
  

  Don’t misunderstand me, I still dislike many things that many Christians consider correct.  But maybe it shouldn’t be my default position.  There was a time when I would listen to Reliant K, and though Nirvana was morally wrong to listen to.  Not long ago I was listening to Nirvana, associated Reliant K with something I wanted nothing to do with.  Tonight their both on my playlist.  I guess that really says it all.
  

  • 2:32 pm
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