May 26, 2004

• I have had two dream recently that have, I think, been rather interesting. I will retell the one I just had, the second of the two dreams, first.

  
  

  There are two girls in this dream. In the actual dream, they had names. They are people who I have known. I don’t plan on naming then here, but let me give you the relevant information. The first was a very bad relationship. We were never really dating, but we used to spend a lot of time “fooling around.” We never had sex, but it went far enough. That is all she really was to me, unfortunately. I was saved while this was going on, and stopped it. To this day it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. The second girl I won’t say as much about. I never dated her either, but we had a good relationship. I cared for her deeply her. In the dream, girl two had no appearance.  It never stood out to me though, she was beautiful, her appearance didn’t seem to matter. Girl one, on the other hand, was wearing stage makeup. Her eyes were dark and her face was exaggerated.

  
  

  So, on with the dream. We were going to have a party at my house. I say my house, because that is what it felt like, but it was more like a field with some tables elevated in the centre. In this dream, the first girl is my girlfriend. I recall faintly a brief dream before it were this came about, but essentially, I hadn’t seen her in a long while, and then one day he came to visit. I cannot remember the reason, but she asked me, and I said yes. I have not seen her since. But I hear that she is coming early to the party. My reaction, and I tell everyone this too, is that I can’t wait for her to come so we can make out. She arrives just as we are beginning to eat lunch before the party.

  
  

  Just as we are finishing lunch, the second girl arrives. My attention is immediately stolen form the first girl. I leave her there at the table to go greet the second. I do this because her coming, and I didn’t think she was coming, was met with elation. I was exited to se her. I spent the whole day with her and the friends she brought, and we had a blast. Later that night, we were sitting in what seemed to be a small shed, watching a movie. Both girls were there, along with a bunch of other people. When the movie ended, girl one asked me to come with her, and so did girl two. I though, I ought to spend time with girl one. She is my girlfriend after all, and she deserves more then I am giving her. I didn’t go with her though. As with everything else in our relationship, I treated her with selfishness.  As girl two and I, with some others, were walking up a hill away from the movie shack, I regretted my decision for a second, but when I looked at girl two, I forgot my regret.

  
  

  The other dream I had is hard to explain. You see, there was an actual event that it centred around, but it was more the emotions I felt that had meaning. I suppose I will try and explain it though. I was away somewhere, I don’t know where, and I had to share a room with a girl. This girl was not girl two from the other dream, but me feelings for her were the same. Care, concern, I don’t really know how to explain it. Maybe love works, but I don’t really know what that means fully. Anyway, we were to share a bed. And we did. While we were we laughed and joked, we had a good time, it was nothing sexual. In the morning, and this is going to sound strange, but remember it was more about emotion then what actually happened, her shirt fell up or something, and I saw her breasts. Now, the reason this matters, is because there was no lust there, no feelings of that nature. Not that it was like looking at a guy, don’t get me wrong, but it was like my feelings for this girl we so much more important then this, that it didn’t matter. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. I guess to understand this dream you have to understand that I was once someone who would never be like this. This bed situation would have turned out very differently is it was in my dreams of the past.

  
  

  I’m not sure why I’ve been having these dreams. The first one was from last night, the second was from the night before that. I’m not sure why I’m retelling these… I guess I like to understand my dreams, especially the ones that seem out of place.
  

  • 1:31 pm
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