November 13, 2005

• Sometimes I wish my life was more like a romantic comedy. Where I could
  solve all my problems with a fantastically romantic speech. Believe me, I
  could come up with a fantastically romantic speech. Some things would
  have to change though. First of all, two and a half weeks is to long
  for us to be apart. No, the audience wouldn't believe everyone was
  sincere if it went on for that long. It could be a week, tops. Rob's
  character would have to change, too. Firstly, he would have to be an
  asshole. Though perhaps I've felt like that particular word would
  describe his actions from time to time, objectively speaking, Rob is no
  asshole. That would change. Secondly, he would have to do at least one
  thing so irrevocably villainous as to firmly establish our roles; the
  audience couldn't be allowed to sympathise. Now, I could think of ways
  to do that, if we painted them in the right light. I mean, he did put
  two months of solid effort into breaking me and Kat up in the first
  place. And though I'm sure he felt justified in doing it, if we're
  telling the story from my perspective, we could easily make that count.
  Night after night, despite her resolution that she loved me, and that I
  was better for her, he would call and say things to make her cry, say
  things to try and break us up. And of course she let him do it, because
  she felt bad for hurting him in the first place. It's ironic really:
  "it's bad to hurt people, so I should let him hurt me".

  But it's important that we stay on topic, because this movie could go
  two ways. Of course you all see, I could be the villain. Two months is
  just that much worst for a movie then two weeks, because of course, two
  months is long enough for her to be quite serious with the new guy. I'm
  leaving the point again, it's far to easy for me to get distracted. If
  we paint me in a bad light, show me seducing and stealing the
  girlfriend of a noble man. Show all those nights I was sympathetic
  while Kat cried about Rob, but show them as me subtly planting
  anti-Rob sentiments. Keeping them apart. I'm afraid, in the end, Rob
  would have to punch me out. You see, his romantic speech would have to
  be him rescuing her form me. I can see it like this: he is supposed to
  meet her for coffee one Thursday night in October, but I convince her
  not to go. She's feeling quite confident that she doesn't want to be
  with Rob at that moment, despite the fact that she was having doubts
  the night before, so she stays with me. But Rob, upon being left to
  wait at a coffee shop, gets in his car, and charges over to her
  basement apartment, where me and her are settling down to watch a
  movie. He bursts in the door dramatically, perhaps breaking something,
  and I step between him and her. He gives me one look, and punches me in
  the face. I, being an antagonist, can't fight, so that's all he needs
  to do. That's when he gives his romantic speech. 'love you forever,
  unconditional, some shit about glasses, and all that. I'm sure he would
  even say she was sinning if
  she didn't come back to him. It would be excess though, because then
  they would live happily ever after, and she would never think about me
  again. The tattoo would be lasered and covered with a big picture of his
  face.

  P.S. For the record, I didn't steal Kat from Rob. I walked out of the
  store and didn't realise she was still in my jacket pocket. He broke
  the fucking windows on me.

  • 11:45 pm
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